


the party was going great

by loser_geek_whatever



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, Fluff and Crack, Gay, M/M, Treebros, no proofreading we die like connor, none of this makes sense, this was originally written in two parts but i wrote the second part a year later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 13:57:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21016901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loser_geek_whatever/pseuds/loser_geek_whatever
Summary: crack based off a john mulaney joke that i ran with at three am then came back to a year later. the entire work isn't lowercase i'm just too lazy for this summary.





	the party was going great

The evening was a blur. Zoe, Connor, Alana, and Evan were all over at Jared's house having a sleepover. Jared was chanting "fuck da police" over and over, Zoe and Alana had disappeared half an hour ago, and Connor had somehow gotten high. Evan was tired, no, exhausted, but he was the delirious type of tired, almost like he himself was high. 

The party was going great.

At around one in the morning they discovered they were out of potato chips, and for some reason, all of them piled into Jared's car and drove to the closet 24 hour supermarket.

When they walked in the unfortunate employees looked up, desperate for some type of entertainment, and they were not disappointed. Promptly Evan was shoved into a shopping cart, Connor being the biggest advocate, rambling on how his arm would never heal if he kept walking on it. As the group made their way through the abandoned shop laughs could be heard, along with fragments of conversation.

"Okay, all I'm saying is, don't knock it until you've tried it."

"I don't need to try them to know that bath bombs are hazardous to your health Jared" Alana sighed, knowing she was fighting a losing battle.

"What do you know?" Jared said, crossing his arms. 

Zoe gave Jared a push and shouted "Don't talk to her that way asshole!"

"Bite me."

Connor looked up with sudden clarity. "Where."

Everyone looked at the shopping cart as a half delirious Evan gave a tiny gasp, covering his mouth. "You can't fucking say that."

Everyone flipped their shit. Zoe gasped, and pointed at Evan, Alana's jaw dropped. Jared started to cry, he was so damn proud. Evan Hansen finally swore. As for Connor, he lunged foreword and put his hand over his mouth. "Evan Hansen, you can't fucking swear, I thought I had raised you better than that."

Evan half mumbled a reply, curling into a corner of the cart. "Yes daddy."

If everyone flipped their shit before, you should have seen them now. Jared was full on sobbing, clapping with a huge smile. Zoe and Alana were clutching each other in shock (or maybe there was another reason). Connor eyes were as wide as saucers as dove to cover Evan's mouth again.

Blinking his eyes, Evan giggled and licked Connor's hand. Connor scrunched up his nose and wiped it onto Evan's face, who then grabbed his hand and bit it. 

"Holy shit, get a room guys!" Jared yelled, physically grabbing Connor and pulling him away. Evan rested his head on the ledge of the cart, pouting and giving the girls puppy dog eyes. 

"Get him back for me Alana."

She rolled her eyes, ready to chase after the missing crackheads from their group who disappeared somewhere near the frozen food aisle when Zoe grabbed her arm. "Woah. Mark Evan Hansen. Is that how you talk to a lady?" When he shook his head she smiled. "Now what's the magic word?"

"Pleeeeeease" he whined. 

"Be right back with your boyfriend Ev" she laughed as she ran off with Alana. Evan halfheartedly called out "He's not my boyfriend!" before giving up. Alone now he laid down in the shopping cart in the middle of the aisle and moments later he was asleep.

The teens ran down the aisle toward the cart pushing each other and shouting. "Evan we gotta go" Jared yelled "They're kicking us out or something"

"Can't imagine why"

They all circled around the cart to find Evan curled into a tight ball. "How does he even sleep in that? It's literally metal." Alana asked, staring down at him.

Jared rolled his eyes. "If Evan's tired he can sleep anywhere. It's insane."

"Well we need to get him out of here somehow." Zoe said as Connor leaned down and shook Evan's shoulder. "Wake up treehugger!" Evan kept his eyes closed and groaned.

Leaning down Connor scooped the boy out of the cart and transferred him to his back. "Let's blow this popsicle stand ladies" he said as Evan nuzzled his head into his neck. He walked and Evan held on tighter, both boys smiling to themselves.

Halfway home they realized they forgot the chips.

**Author's Note:**

> uh yeah i wrote this in an hour and i'm not a good writer that's why it's bad and short but like it anyway to feed my eternal need for praise thanks :)


End file.
